The Not so Demi Demi god
by LaJabberjay
Summary: Oh hey you there with the face and stuff yeah you the one staring at your screen. Come on don't just read the summery come on read this its my personal journal come on its okay just a little peek that's all it takes read my journal learn my life Follow me on my adventures to Mustafar and to Krypton or just relax with some chips and read about me scratching my nuts it doesn't matter
1. Chapter 1

Hey, Im Leo there is really only a few things you need to know about me. The first thing you need to know is I'm not your average Demigod. To be honest not sure what I am I'm a total mess though. See my dad is Hades you know death, underworld, killing that kind of thing, But from a strange turn of events My dad Hades decided to get a little funky with my mom who plot twist is Aphrodite a total slut I mean the goddess of love. So now that this is out of the way there is something you also need to know. See My powers are complete opposites and instead of the whole Yay! Opposites attract thing it is more like oh That girl is really cute I wonder if she would ever go out with Me. Then I walk over and i'm a real smooth ladies man so I'm like Hey wassup gurl ya free this Saturday cause we could go out to dinner. Then she says Ew, No I get pissed and before I know it I'm sweeping her off the sidewalk with a dustpan and a broom. By the way though the gods up their in olympus you know Zues a.k.a Emperor Palpatine the goddess or god whatever it is of Lightning gets real mad and I get in trouble. So this summer I am going to Camp Virgins I mean Half-Blood to help control my powers I am so happy to meet other little half human baby little bitches or Demi gods who are talentless pieces of stuckup shit Ahem I mean All powerful beings learning to control their powers. Im not going I mean I'm so excited.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear, Diary

I know by writing that i seem like a total queer. That i am ok with that I am not a queer but who doesn't want to ride unicorns and barf rainbows am I right or am I right that shit would be legit. Oh, and a message to you little snoops that are reading my journal it is a journal not a book mind your own business (Please follow and favorite for more content). So getting down to business Camp hasn't been that bad. It was actually pretty fun there was this one kid Percy Jackoffson got his ass kicked by a girl then he crawled to the lake balling like a baby until his dad helped him believe me not him that is the truth of what happened. There was a campfire tonight and my dad Lord Voldemort the leader of all evil. Showed up demanding to see Percy the kid who got beat up by a girl ah good times well My dad said That Percy had the great vibrator I mean Lightning bolt of Zues and I burst out in tears laughing rolling on the ground in the dirt. I couldn't believe my dad thought that little punk ass bitch stole it i mean seriously he probably weighs thirty pounds soaking wet.

In other news I met this really cool kid gave me these shoes with little birdies on the back i didn't bother to learn his name i just took some shoes and ran for the hills he will never know it was me. There were also some nerds playing with sticks saying stuff like When Im gardening i leave I Osa or something like that. It was very confusing they were talking about some death spell that kills people. Waited for them to pretend to cast this spell then I killed someone with my powers. Oh gods it was absolutely hilarious they were so scared they were worried they were gonna get in trouble little did they know it was really me hahaha Looooosssseeerrrrsss. They got kicked out so yeah you don't know anything.

You don't know this but i just left for like two hours and just got back and continued to write in my journal i think i broke and ankle flying those shoes but i think i got the hang of flying them. Im gonna find a black cloak and just levitate around camp that would be hilarious scaring the shit out of everybody I'm gonna go try it be back soon.

 **Update on the shoes some phsycotic bitch shot me with an arrow little piggies three and five will never be the same R.I.P you will be missed. Yeah I also lost my pen so I have to use some stupid sharpie I found in my cabin. Well time to go to bed and dream about finally finding someone to love me Oh Gods Im so Lonely.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok so update on my pen it is gone still so I am using my sharpie. Also there is this really pretty girl here I'm pretty sure her name is Emma I am totally crushing on her she has long beautiful brown hair and this green eyes that just sparkle in the sun and her lips they look so soft and luscious but I have no idea if she even likes me at all I also found a death threat on my desk here i will tape it in.**

_  
| _Watch Your back or else |_  
 _|you will pay |_  
 _|From, Them |_  
 _|Tell anyone about this |_  
 _|You Will die_ |

 **All I'm saying is just because I'm not nice doesn't mean you got to threaten me all the time and seriously bro work on you grammar for real it sucks almost as much as a prostitute and I'm new here and if you kill me I don't want to hang out with my dad we don't really get along. See i want to have a relationship and he want death and world domination and shit like that. I have a feeling I get a lot of my personality from my mother**

Oh my god I feel so stupid just returned from lunch after I fell of my chair knocking over a tray of food which was thrown all over Emma and I feel like an idiot for it, but we started to talk and at least that worked out ok, And i also was able to find my pen it turned out it was just under my bed the whole time I also found a dead mouse and a pair of broken sunglasses i there the sunglasses away, but I can use the rat for a prank eventually so I will keep it around until then. Earlier today there was a really bad lightning storm I can't believe even Zeus the wisest most powerful god besides Aphrodite and Hermes and Hades and Aries and Poseidon thinks that Percy stole the magical prostate stimulator of Zues. I mean seriously he is such a weakling why does everyone think he stole the bolt if any one stole it it would be me (DISCLAIMER: Leo badass motherfucker Saunders is not actually responsible for the theft of the lightning bolt of Zeus Thank you for your cooperation and enjoy your day). At least i can turn people into dust all i have seen him do is cry to daddy like a little bitch and magically get healed by the power of Water Fishes and a little bit of pixie dust.

Well all issues aside I'm gonna find a way to tag along with Persea (Sea what i did there) on this stupid quest he is going on. I will keep you little journal reading privacy invading little creeps updated.


	4. Chapter 4

Let me take you on a journey through realms of time and ages of space to olympus and hell to Avada Kadavara and to The pits of Tartarus this is the story of A legendary hero fighting to protect camp Virgins Blood and save the world. Just kidding it's my journal and i don't even know what Avada Kadavara even is i can swear i heard it somewhere. Oh well whatever remember how i told you privacy invaders I would keep you updated well heres an update. Hades god of the underworld and on of the biggest idiots that i personally know still believe Percy Baby Bitch Jackson has the lightning bolt. So he has been watching me reading my journal like a little fucking creep and found out i want to tag along. So he gave this thing called the Helm Of Hades which turns me invisible but it should be called the key to the girls locker room am I right huh huh. If you think I'm a little perverted creep your the one reading a fourteen year olds journal so your the creep hah ha i got you trapped in a corner.

Anyways I followed them out off the camp wearing the helm they don't even know that I am here so I could totally be panting them and what not, but no Hades said no Mischief you aren't the son of Hermes. Him saying that really pissed me off comparing me to the baby who just runs around Olympus delivering messages. Yeah well some dude who is friends with Percy not quite sure was his name is ,but I will just call him LambChops yeah i like that name. Were talking about Percy Beater and how pretty she was. I chuckled to myself they think she is pretty clearly they have never seen Emma If she is one of the snoops reading my Journal Hey wassup are you free this Saturday we should do something together. Oh well back to the story so they were saying that Percy beater was so "Pretty" and Percy was telling Lamb-chops that he was gonna try to ask her out don't worry privacy invaders I got my camera in my pocket ready to go. There is this really cool shield that percy got from someone and it is awesome I'm gonna wait for them to sleep and then I'm gonna become Captain America and throw it like a very big frisbee so now we wait till then.

Oh my god I threw the shield at a tree just a little bit ago and the handle guard busted off and I found some weird thing that glows and vibrates with a soft hum. I have no Idea what it is so if one of you Journal reading creeps know what it is i would love to know what it is. I can't get caught if the shield is broken when Percy tries to use it. So I used a combination of super glue and a lot of hairspray holds really well and they will never know about it. Oh crap Percy is coming I got to st


	5. Chapter 5

p style="text-align: left;" Hello privacy invaders welcome back to my journal today i did absolutely nothing but sit and stare at the ceiling. So instead of having another great adventure for you I am starting my first advice column. Since I am The love child of Aphrodite I am quite the ladies man so I am Here to helpbr /br do guys like in a girl-Well this one is a hard one to answer, but i know the answer what is what is it oh yeah their penis guys like their penises in a do girls look for in a guys—Well you know I don't know this one br girls like nice guys—Idk Is Zeus a Man whorebr guys like girls with big boob— Well it all depends on the person Me i really don't care about that so hey wassup girls I'm singlebr people as in nobody ask me what I look for in a girl—Well just ask someone close to me you know who you are *Wink* *Wink* *Nudge Nudge* br /br /br /Well that is really all i can think off and Percy and the gang are sleeping and I got a dead rat in my bag, some super glue, and a helmet of invisibility. Hahahahah Oh Gods this is gonna be really great./p 


	6. Chapter 6

Dear person who left that review

I want to thank you for being honest. Now that you have given me some input I can better work to turn my journal into and epic tale of adventure and awesomeness. I never thought that making my journal public would attract so many creeps that come and read me personal life. I guess that is the life of a superstar. I also saw my best friend Iddam today. They didn't really talk to me but they just sat and listened. I found them cillaxing in a garden. I asked them if they wanted to go sit inside. They just ignored me and stared off into the distance. It was really nice seeing them after all these years. Percy, LambChops, and the beater were yelling and screaming while I was trying to have a conversation they are so fucking disrespectful. I can't believe then sometimes. I followed them back to a hotel and they had this creepy manikin head. I stole the sunglasses off of the head they were really nice. Im gonna keep them as a souvenir of proof of my epic adventure. Well I'm gonna go touch myself and the page is almost out of room.


	7. Chapter 7

So, let me take you pervs back a little bit so you can understand whats going on.

I'm just cruising along being an invisible badass when boom Percy and his peeps are just gone no idea where they went or what they did they are just gone. So I'm looking around for them trying to find them anywhere I checked the pool i checked the butcher chop (ya know just in case they thought lamb chops got annoying and they put him up for sell) but i could not find them any where. So I get this feeling in my gut the feeling where it's like oh shit somethings wrong kinda like that feeling you get when you eat to much shrimp. Then before i know it Kablam. Me the bestest coolest half god half other god person is in this cell in hell all alone. Except for the rat that was here a little bit ago but you know my stomach was making the rumblies that only rats could satisfy. Then all of the sudden my dad mr long haired hippie looking ass motherfucker shows up and drags me off by my ear. He had no right to come along and be mister boss when he missed out on eighteen years of my life or how ever long it has been. So now I'm in a room with a three headed mutt writing in a journal eating the other half of my rat so life isn't that good but when i get my movie this is gonna be the best scene of the entire movie trust me.

I have been saving up to pay for the production of my movie i have three dollar and twenty seven cents two sticks of gum and a button I'm so close to having enough money. Someones coming got to go talk to you later creeps.


	8. Chapter 8

Alright guys good news and bad news and even greater news and then even worse news. Bad news first I'm back at camp Virgins oh sorry I mean half blood. Good news is that i will have all the time I need to write my movie i have the first page of the script done here it is.

 _(The scene opens on a grassy field there are a handful of trees near the edge and our main characters sit under neath them)_

 _Theo- (laying by himself in the grass) *sigh*_  
 _Emmalee- whats wrong Theo (walks over to him)_  
 _Theo- Im just not feeling to good there is so much going on_  
 _Emmalee- But, Theo don't be sad I love you._  
 _Theo- really you do you promise_  
 _(Theo wakes up from dream and scene changes to a beatdown Cabin in the middle of the woods.)_  
 _Theo-(grabbing journal of epic manliness off of the table) Time to go save the world duty calls._  
 _Girls- Oh save us Theo your our hero we believe in you (and other romantic adlibs to our amazing hero)_  
 _Theo- don't worry ladies I will slay this beast and save us all._  
 _(charges at large unicorn impaling it through the chest with a carrot the size of Posidiens ego)_

 _Mr. Horsie- Good god Theo you have saved us all and it is only your first week here at camp half blood._

Thats all i have written so far and if you can't tell it is based on a true story and Theo is really me Leo. I was informed by a friend earlier that a button two sticks of gum and three dollars can't buy a movie. So I will prove him wrong and pay to have the movies production .

Well after a three and a half hour drive and a lot of boredom I arrive at the studio only for them to tell me my movie is completely illogical. They also told me three dollars won't even by an two second ad for the movie. Then i got really pissed when they threw my little button I will never find it ever again then just wait for it this part is intense they ate my bubblegum. So, as of right now I am in one of there houses wearing a black pillow case and holding a broom stick. Mwuahahahha they will be turned to dust. The pillow case and broom stick is just here cause it make me look so freaking cool. I will return later my journal snoops.


End file.
